Inbred (2011) - Alex Chandon
Here I am, once again. Let’s take a look at some horror films.
I watched “Inbred” on a whim after seeing the trailer on Youtube, as is the case 90% of the time I really wasn’t expecting much, but honestly I was surprised. On the one hand this is a morbid thriller akin to “Deliverance” or “Straw Dogs”, with macabre / extremely disturbing overtones throughout. On the other hand, it almost seems like something that Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost would come up with. This movie is extremely fun, albeit made on the cheap. Comedy is leaned on heavily, but it’s top notch stuff.
There are a few things that I noticed right off the bat, and I’ll share them with you now.
Some of you may have heard of a game that goes by the name of “Amnesia the Dark Descent”. It’s a survival horror game and is known for being exceptionally atmospheric, notably in the music/sound departments. Now forgive me if I’m incorrect, but I’m pretty fucking sure that this movie makes use of one of the sound clips from Amnesia, and they use it HEAVILY. I mean non-stop. Worth noting.
Also worth a mention is that James Burrows is in this movie. He was also in another British “horror” movie quite recently, Eden Lake. Eden Lake was pretty tight, so I’m glad to see him doing more along the same lines.
And lastly, THIS SONG is fucking fantastic and ties the entire bizarre movie together.
Watching this film is like taking a trip into a completely backwards way of life. I seriously enjoyed it and hope there’s more of this stuff out there for us yet to find.
Drive (2011) - Nicolas Winding Refn
The stylised, unfamiliar, almost unplaceable yet undeniably west coast setting, the fantastically imagined cinematography, incredibly persuasive, often world class acting from everybody involved and the steadfast, unwavering sense of truth and realism emanating from this film all coalesce into something utterly timeless.
This thoroughly deserves it’s spot in the IMDB top 250.
Personal rating: 8.4
The Rum Diary (2011) - Bruce Robinson
Being a big fan of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”, I expected this to be somewhat reminiscent in the way of storyline and character portrayal, what with Hunter S. Thompson being the man behind the writing of both books, (and movies, to an extent), and Johnny Depp playing the lead, once again.
The best way I could possibly describe this movie is by comparing it to “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”, obviously. comparable scenes within “The Rum Diary” don’t hold a candle to the rampant, substance fuelled, uncontrolled mayhem that Fear and Loathing is so well known and so widely appreciated for, but that really isn’t what the film is about. It’s highly likely that the few and far between drug abuse scenes are merely in place as a homage to Hunter S. Thompson, to be quite honest. The mainstay of the picture is it’s serious overall story progression, overlain with the occasional humorous, (but tasteful), reference to previous works, or outright on-screen madness.
In essence, “The Rum Diary” is baby’s first “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”, except it has an actual story to tell, albeit a mediocre, only mildly amusing story.
Personal rating: 6.9
Oh, and before I forget, I saw this on the IMDB front page earlier.
The Woman in Black (2012) - James Watkins
I’m not going to make any Harry Potter jokes, so deal with it.
I would like to commend Daniel Radcliffe on his excellent portrayal of a scared lawyer in this film. I think he did very well and deserves all of the praise he’s recieving. I have one tiny little problem with him though, and it’s that he still sounds like a fifteen year old boy. He should get voicial reconstructive surgery or something, they have that now I bet.
Also he looks way too young to have a four year old son in this movie, which made the whole plot a lot less believable.
Actually now that I come to think of it, this film is set like 120 years ago, so I guess people were having kids at fourteen / fifteen back then?
I take it back, the plot is fine and I can totally get behind it.
- This film will make you jump, there’s no getting around that fact.
- The acting is great, and the superstitious townsfolk definitely deserve a round of applause for their excellent portrayal of superstitious townsfolk. Commendable to say the least!
- Creepy vibe throughout the entire movie, and the gothic theme and rural location serve to enhance said vibe.
- Suspense and tension are great, although the film relies too heavily on jumpy crap and LOUD NOISES.
- It’s rated 12(A). (British rating system for movies and TV shows) - So feel free to take your kids to see it!
Not a bad effort, and the story was nice and easy to follow.
Personal rating: 6.8
The Innkeepers (2011) - Ti West
Decided to give “The Innkeepers” a try tonight and wasn’t expecting much. I’ll keep things short and sweet by bullet-pointing this one.
- Characters are endearing and easy to watch, both leads did well in their respective roles.
- Cinematography and camera-work is creative and often quite clever.
- The final third of the film sucks major ass and should’ve been much better. It had the potential to be an extremely scary film.
- Lacking in the stuff that makes a real horror movie, but pulling out the big guns on suspense.
I genuinely wanted this to be scary though, and that’s the problem. This is a good film, It just isn’t a horror film. I was seriously interested in what the characters had to say, their lives and their relationship, which rarely, if ever happens in newer films, so to get to the end of the movie and see it flop like that was a real dissapointment for me.
These are just my thoughts though, I still recommend that you give it a try. Now it’s time to drink beer, alone, on St.Patrick’s day.
Tokyo Gore Police (2008) - Yoshihiro Nishimura
Have a look at the trailer above, it’ll tell you pretty much all you need to know about “Tokyo Gore Police”. I saw this on a stream, so my attention was mostly directed at the chat, in which myself and other angry film nerds were spewing bullshit at each other and arguing about stupid, meaningless crap. I think it’s fair to say that I’m a little hazy on the subject of this film, but to be honest, I don’t think the storyline takes priority here.
Buckets of blood, a boat-load of disgusting / hilarious human mutations and plenty of incredibly inventive kill-scenes make this a great way to waste an hour and a half.
[I only half-saw this movie, but I’ll throw in a score for the hell of it]
Personal rating: 5.6
I can’t wait for this to be released, it looks ace. Spatial anomalies and shit! It reminded me of some of the articles on the “SCP Foundation” wiki, (link below). For any of you horror fans that’ve yet to take a look at the “SCP Foundation”, I strongly recommend that you head over and read a few. You’ll be hooked almost instantly, and that’s a promise. It’s like “Doctor Who” meets “Aperture Science” from the “Half-Life” and “Portal” franchises, funny and sometimes terrifying too.
Have a good weekend yall.
The Bone Collector (1999) - Phillip Noyce
I was scouring the internet for crime / killer movies, and couldn’t for the life of me find one that I hadn’t already seen multiple times. I stumbled upon a list of the “25 best serial killer movies”, compiled by a guy with the screen-name “Norok99” on the IMDB forums.
Here is the list. I’ve ticked what I’ve seen.
So yeah, I’ve seen a LOT of movies about serial killers. I’ll write up a few of the aformentioned films when I feel like it.
Personal rating: 5.4
The Midnight Meat Train (2008) - Ryûhei Kitamura
Another serial killer movie, although this time more recent. I wasn’t expecting much, so when “The Midnight Meat Train” turned out to be the epitome of mediocrity I was hardly surprised. I don’t like Bradley Cooper, he has a look of eternal smugness plastered all over his stupid face all of the time, and for no good reason. “Limitless” sucked balls too, Bradley, so there, fuck you.
On the subject of casting for this film, I don’t really think that Vinnie Jones had a good reason for being here, he should stick to hanging around with Guy Ritchie and leave anything even remotely serious WELL alone. This was a solid concept and SHOULD’VE been a dark / moody psychological thriller, but was let down by the presence of an actor who, let’s face it, is cliched beyond redemption. Vinnie Jones plays one character in every movie, himself, that’s how it always was and how it will always will be, forever. To his credit though, he wasn’t atrocious as a serial killer, although it really isn’t all that difficult to be an unremarkable, quiet nobody, I do that shit ALL the time.
This didn’t need the Hollywood fight scenes, or the extremely overblown characters, (noteworthy: An extremely poorly portrayed militant black guy cliche, wearing baggy camo shorts and dropping N-bombs everywhere). The film just felt a little false for the most part, if that makes any sense.
[Edit: With possible spoilers]
I feel like a bit of an idiot now, having paused the film right after Vinnie Jones got splattered, thinking that it was all over and writing this. The ending really took me by surprise and I’m going to be honest here, made the film worth watching. No more spoilers, but I’ll say this, if you choose to watch this, wait it out until the end credits.
Personal rating: 6.8 (formerly 6.2)
AVPR: Aliens vs Predator: Requiem (2007) - Colin Strause / Greg Strause
This is non-canon. I will not allow this to be a part of either the Alien OR Predator universe. This is the worst continuation of a franchise that I’ve ever seen, IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE.
This is ALIEN we’re fucking talking about! One of the best known horror movies OF ALL TIME. Who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to introduce a teenage love story into the mix? Colin and Greg Strause, that’s who. I had my reservations about “Predators”, because I loved the older movies with a passion, but now I can see that it was a fucking godsend, especially in comparison to this pile of horse shit.
Colin and Greg Strause, I would not protest to both of you being hung from a tree with cheese-wire. You’ve ruined a perfectly good vintage horror / action franchise with your Hollywood cocksuckery and should be forced to play Russian roulette, surrounded by a howling, 1960’s era style Vietnamese platoon, (or just an angry mob of people who hated this film, which would be ANYBODY THAT WATCHED IT).
If we were stranded on a spacecraft in a distant galaxy, just the three of us, floating around with only seconds of breathable oxygen remaining, and either of you went in for a final goodbye hug or handshake, I would recoil in utter disgust and space-swim away as quickly as possible, just to avoid your touch and subsequent taint.
FUCK THIS MOVIE IN IT’S ASS.
IT DOES NOT COUNT AND NEITHER DOES THE FIRST AVP, THAT CAN SUCK A DICK TOO.
Personal rating: 1
I literally enjoyed this less than “Lake Placid 2”.
This cost $40,000,000 to make.
Can you even believe it? FORTY MILLION DOLLARS WENT INTO MAKING THIS SHIT.
The things I would do with $40,000,000…